Feel my Wrath!

The 34 stone teenager

2006-09-01T12:01:00.000+01:00

Watched this documentary on BBC 3 last night - quite shocking. It was about 19 year old Bethany Walton who at 5'6" weighed 34 stone or 476 lbs. She eventually under went a stomach reduction operation to basically save her life. In 7 weeks she lost 4 stone or 47 packs of lard!

Firstly, is it wrong that me, Tim, Olly, Mike and Pip laughed and made a hell of a lot of sarcastic comments for the duration? Sure, if she could've heard us she would've cried and comfort eaten for months but I don't reckon people would be pissed at you for taking the mick out of a smack head so why not a fattie?

Secondly, why is it that the parents are always fucking idiots? If your child was putting on horrendous amounts of weight would you not step in and take drastic action? Bethany's mum seemed to think it was a good idea to feed her double portions of her evening meal everyday (and when I say double portions I mean 2 the same size)!

Thirdly, the NHS is seriously messed up but her operation was covered by it. It cost around £10000 to perform. Now surely before taking this action it would've been more sensible and economical to send her to a shrink (to get to the root of her problem) and perhaps some sort of dietician/trainer. Obviously this would have been better if they'd done this when she was 20 stone but at least give her a chance to lose the weight naturally, as it were.

Know your Evil Doers!

2006-08-23T11:52:00.000+01:00

Here is a feature about some of the most eeeeevil people on the planet. Take a good look at them and remember their faces so if you see them out and about you can bitch slap them back to the middle ages!

Up first we have someone who has been in the news a lot recently arise Ehud Olmert.

This is the genius who stopped the Red Cross and Medicins Sans Frontieres getting into South Lebanon to provide aid. His government accused these two organisations of transporting arms to the Hezbollah. Also, in the face of international outrage he ordered even heavier and more frequent air strikes. Sir, you are a shit head!

Next we have Kim Jong-Il leader of North Korea.

He runs one of the most oppressive regimes in the world, the state controls all forms of media and forces it's populace to live in fear. He also spends millions of dollars on building missiles and defence systems while millions of people starve. What an arsehole, there's a place on a skewer waiting for you in hell!

This wonderful chap is Robert Mugabe the leader of Zimbabwe.

This benevolent gent is purposely starving millions of his countrymen and sent militias to kill white farmers and re-claim their land. He needs sorting out and fast!

This guy needs no introduction, you all know him.

The Chimp is a religios fundamentalist who is a puppet for American profiteers. His lack of brain power should not stop him from realising that many of the things he and his government have done are morally wrong. For a good fearing make he shows little remorse and even less forgiveness.

Here's a personal fave of mine. Not too many of you will know him. He is Karl Rove.

Often described as the brains behind Bush, he was one of his senior advisors and masterminded his campaign to get into the White House and to win re-election. He has now joined the campaign of the next Republican candidate. Be afraid, be very afraid! Karl Rove, piss off and die you fat fuck!

But in the face of this nastiness at least there is some comedy:

Karl Rove as featured on American Dad!

Anger Management

2006-08-10T14:47:00.000+01:00

Recently someone read my blog (without leaving a comment, perhaps out of fear) and thinks I sound like a very angry person!

Personally, I feel I'm just easily frustrated by morons, hypocrites and religious zealots!

Be afraid, be very afraid!

2006-08-10T11:28:00.000+01:00

The big news of the day is that the Intelligence Services have supposedly foiled plots to blow-up flights from the UK in mid-air. Personally, I'm highly suspicious of these claims. This isn't the first time assertions of this nature have been made but no evidence is ever released to back this up.

Considering that we went to war with Iraq because the Intelligence Services had evidence that they had WMDs which could be fired onto foreign soil from moveable platforms in 45 mins. The same Intelligence Services who also shot dead John Charles De Menezes on the tube and in Forest Gate, London shot and arrested one man and arrested another for allegedly plotting terrorist attacks, in both cases they were mistaken (De Menezes had a backpack with electrical equipment in it, the 2 men were accused by a neighbour of being terrorists and were released without charge). I think there is justification for not taking these fresh reports seriously.

Based on my cynical thoughts I decided to do a little research into economies of fear and came across a very informative article by Robert Higgs entitled The Political Economy of Fear which sums up my thoughts quite nicely. I have pinched some of the key paragraphs and want to share them with you (the full article can be found at www.mises.org).

"Fear is a depreciating asset. As Machiavelli observes, "the temper of the multitude is fickle, and ... while it is easy to persuade them of a thing, it is hard to fix them in that persuasion" ([1513 1992, 14). Unless the foretold threat eventuates, the people come to doubt its substance. The government must make up for the depreciation by investing in the maintenance, modernization, and replacement of its stock of fear capital. For example, during the Cold War, the general sense of fear of the Soviets tended to dissipate unless restored by periodic crises, many of which took the form of officially announced or leaked "gaps" between U.S. and Soviet military capabilities: troop-strength gap, bomber gap, missile gap, antimissile gap, first-strike-missile gap, defense-spending gap, thermonuclear-throw-weight gap, and so forth (Higgs 1994, 301–02).[4] Lately, a succession of official warnings about possible forms of terrorist attack on the homeland has served the same purpose: keeping the people "vigilant," which is to say, willing to pour enormous amounts of their money into the government's bottomless budgetary pits of "defense" and "homeland security" (Higgs 2003b)."

"This same factor helps to explain the drumbeat of fears pounded out by the mass media: besides serving their own interests in capturing an audience, they buy insurance against government punishment by playing along with whatever program of fear-mongering the government is conducting currently. Anyone who watches, say, CNN's Headline News programs can attest that a day seldom passes without some new announcement of a previously unsuspected Terrible Threat—I call it the danger du jour."

"By keeping the population in a state of artificially heightened apprehension, the government-cum-media prepares the ground for planting specific measures of taxation, regulation, surveillance, reporting, and other invasions of the people's wealth, privacy, and freedoms. Left alone for a while, relieved of this ceaseless bombardment of warnings, people would soon come to understand that hardly any of the announced threats has any substance and that they can manage their own affairs quite well without the security-related regimentation and tax-extortion the government seeks to justify."

Fatties and Skinnies

2006-08-08T16:51:00.000+01:00

There was a story on Channel 4 news last night about pre-teen girls and they desire to be like the ultra-skinny celebrities e.g. Posh Spice, Nicole Ritchie, Kiera Knightley. Highlighted by the introduction in UK shops of the US size 0 or UK 4. What happened to the perfect 10 I ask?

Seems to me that there are 2 extremes (certainly in the UK) at the moment - kids are either balloons or rakes! What's going on? Parents these days seem to feed their kids take aways or shit and chips every night or their kids just don't eat.

I don't remember it being like that when I was that age. Your mum/dad cooked a variety of different things, we were encouraged to get out the house and/or join some sort of sports team. Now it's like a contest to see how many e numbers you can stuff in a child and then plonk them in front of a PS2 or a dvd.

If it's not that, then it's Hello! and Ok magazine telling kids "so and so gets fat!" or "so and so has a great new look!" Personally I find it disgusting, there is no set size and shape for someone to be attractive and these stick women make me want to puke. Which, incidentally, is probably what they do after every meal.

People who say you can find anything on the internet......

2006-08-08T16:24:00.000+01:00

....... are lairs!! I've been searching for 45 mins for the guitar tab to Rain on Tin by Sonic Youth (taken from their 2002 classic album Murray Street) and damned if I can find it anywhere!

If anyone would care to help me on my quest it would be appreciated.

Not got much to say for myself

2006-08-03T12:32:00.000+01:00

Have been puzzled as to what to write lately. Obviously there's the whole Israel - Lebanon thing going off and it doesn't look good. But I can't be bothered to go into that as anyone who actually bothers to read my shit will already be able to guess what my opinions are.

I suppose the biggest news is that I booked my ticket to go travelling last Friday. Take-off from Heathrow on 9th October at 22.15 and arrive in Bangkok 10th October 15.35 local time. I also have a flight booked from Singapore to Perth on the 1st March. Decided against booking a return so I'm a free man! I can do what I want, when I want (as long as I got some moolah) and go anywhere I desire! Hoozah! Who knows maybe I'll never come back. I shall be a man of the Earth travelling wherever the wind takes me, fighting injustice wherever I find it for liberty, truth and the Scarbelly way! (And a few grams of weed)

So any of you bitches who fancy a holiday, get saving! I'm on the road for a while and visiting a plethora of places so pick a destination, jump on a plane and I'll meet you on the otherside!

Boozing pt. 2

2006-07-17T11:55:00.000+01:00

It seems as if I'm not too old after all!

After Wednesday and Thursday I was out again on Friday (with my home boy Bradfields, check out his blog linked below) and then started drinking at 4 on Saturday as we cooked a huge bbq! And I felt fine on Sunday. Looks like my liver has a few more years in him yet.

Some guys are just pricks

2006-07-14T14:28:00.000+01:00

As my Bradfield's brain forum buddies will already know I've recently been on a few dates with a young lady. When we first start chatting she explained that she'd just come out of a serious relationship etc, etc. Things seemed to be going well until a couple of weeks ago when she went cold on my ass. Last night I found out why. Basically, the bloke she'd been seeing was married all along and split up with her because he'd "met someone else"(most likely his fucking wife!). When we went out on our first date the guy in question walked past and saw us together. He phones her up the next week blubbing cos the girl he's seeing is "cheating on him" and tries to worm his way back in. I'm not sure exactly how she found out but 2 weeks ago she discovered he had been married all along.
What a complete shithead! Lies his way through an affair, fucks off back with his wife, sees her out with another so tries to rekindle the affair by playing on her emotions. If I see him again I'll offer to ro-sham-bo him for her and then kick repeatedly in the nuts, hopefully he'll be near a wall at the time so I can lean on it for extra leverage!

Boozing

2006-07-14T14:17:00.000+01:00

At what point do you become too old to go boozing all the time? As the years go by I find that it becomes more and more of a struggle to go out drinking on consecutive nights. That said I was out on Wednesday and last night and it seems as if my main Chimp, Bradfields, is up for alcohol fuelled madness tonight. I think I'll re-visit this topic on Monday and let you know how devasted my body is after what will probably be four days in a row on the sauce.

North Korea, my holiday destination next summer I think.

2006-07-13T13:07:00.000+01:00

After a few discussion/debates about the missile test conducted by North Korea last week I decided to do a little research about the cheerful and open-minded state.
There are a few interesting things I'd like to say but the first and possibly most important is this; it would appear as if the US and Japan are carrying out a serious of military manoeuvres near the South Korean coast. From CNN:
"North Korea would respond to a pre-emptive U.S. military attack with an "annihilating strike and a nuclear war," the state-run media said Monday, heightening anti-U.S. rhetoric amid close scrutiny of its missile program.
The Korean Central News Agency, citing an unidentified Rodong Sinmun newspaper "analyst," accused the United States of increasing military pressure on the isolated communist state and basing new spy planes on the Korean Peninsula. " (taken from www.nkzone.org/nkzone)
The Korean press is reporting: "Pointing to the fact that the United States and Japan recently agreed to deploy improved "Patriot" interceptor missiles in the U.S. military base in Okinawa, Japan and, accordingly, send additional U.S. forces and signed, some time ago, an agreement on the expansion of the ballistic missile defense program, the analyst says: Now the U.S. and Japan have got into full stride in their efforts to realize integration in a number of military fields involving the command and control of the U.S. forces in Japan and the Japan "Self-Defense Forces", their communication systems, the development of new arms technologies, and their production and deployment." Nothing has been confirmed and I'm not sure I trust the Korean press who also reported: "It is the intention of the United States to achieve its aggressive and dominationist aims in the region with Japan as the military springboard. They are out to achieve their ambition for making Japan a military power and for overseas expansion at any cost with the patronage of the United States. To this end, Japan carries out obediently what its senior ally wants, as a political servant and a war stooge. Winning the favor of the U.S., its master, by blindly following and yielding to it, Japan is running about with increasing frenzy to gratify its ambition, while raising more terrific outcries for a tighter alliance with the U.S. as the days go by. The DPRK is the first target of the reinvasion of the Japanese militarist forces. They are kicking and struggling to jump onto the road of reinvasion of Korea, pulling the war chariot of the U.S. imperialists. But Japan should know that reinvasion will lead it directly to self-destruction." (taken from www.kcna.co.jp)
There has been no real confirmation of these reports but I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised if the US had stepped up military operations in the region in response to the missile testing.
The whole issue surrounding North Korea is a tricky one. Kim Jong-Il is obviously a nutter who has been surrounded by "yes" men and told that he is some sort of divine leader and his father Kim Sung-Il was basically a demi-god. Any country like that is dodgy as fuck in my eyes especially when he has total control over a million man army. Amnesty International certainly isn't a fan, citing it's human rights record as being one of the worst in the world, where simple things such as freedom of speech and freedom of religion just don't exist. Check out the official North Korea website at www.korea-dpr.com. Here you will find such inspirational gems as this: "In the defence the Juche Idea means Self-defence, it’s a basic point to warrant the protection of the country using an invincible military power that will protect the motherland and revolutionary achievements from the aggressive Yankee imperialism and its servants." And I really wanted to watch/download this The KFA (Korean Friendship Alliance) Hymn Video (Song of National Defence) available in mp3 as well.
As you can see it's a bit of a messed up place where the reality of the world around N. Korea is distorted to dupe the population into believing that the US is it's sworn enemy and that they could attack at any time. This probably was not the case in the past but it does appear that there may well be a military strike in the offing.
That said, does that give us the right to arbitrarily go around deciding who can and can't have nuclear arms etc.? Not really. Who are we to tell the North Koreans that they can't defend themselves with the same technology that we do? The Americans and sadly the UK are bullying the rest of the world using financial and military muscle so they can control the sale of arms and the crude oil supplies in order to ransom the world and get rich whilst doing it.
What's the point to this? I don't know, the people of North Korea deserve to have the right to make certain decisions regarding their faith and what they think of the rest of the world and they are denied this right now. Yet at the same time I 'm sick of allowing the Yanks to push everyone else around and make decisions about critical things from the perspective of making themselves more powerful which benefits no-one.

Something very wrong

2006-07-12T13:38:00.000+01:00

The UN could be forced to cut food aid to 700000 Angolans due to lack of donations. This in itself is obviously bad news but only last week Gordon Brown was pushing for us to spend £25 billion on updating our Trident nuclear missile systems.
Now this strikes me as being very, very wrong. It seems truly unbelievable that we would spend this kind of cash on updating our nuclear arms as if our old ones weren't destructive enough!! With that £25 billion how many men, women and children in Africa could you feed and clothe for an entire year? All of them? Possibly.
I hate the way we go around telling Pakistan, India and N. Korea that they can't have nuclear capabilities but at the same we buddy up with the most dangerous nation on earth (yes, I mean the US) and arm ourselves to the teeth with the most state of the art weaponry. Whilst people in countries we've no doubt fucked over in the past starve to death.

It's just wrong, plain and simple.

TOOL - 10000 days.......

2006-04-11T14:22:00.000+01:00

........ is out in 20 days!

That’s right, the world’s greatest band are back! I urge, no, I implore you all to purchase this record.

I know what you’re thinking (esp. you Bradfields – always slagging me for not being open minded, here’s your chance to show me how open minded you are!), “Scarbelly only likes heavy metal and that sucks. It just noise!” I can understand how some of you might not appreciate it and yes, I suppose you would have to class Tool as a metal band. But only because there’s no genre that can adequately describe their music.

It is widely acknowledged in the music press (and I don’t mean Kerrang! And Metal Hammer) that these guys are pretty much the most talented, individually and collectively, musicians around. “If they’re so great why have I not heard of them?” I hear you ask. Answer: they don’t play the cock sucking corporate game. They refuse to advertise the release of singles, albums, dvds, gig tickets and they have point blank refused to edit any of their songs for radio (considering their tracks clock in at an average of six and a half minutes, it hampers their air play somewhat).

Wikipedia biography:

Tool is an American rock band, formed in 1990 in Los Angeles, California when drummer Danny Carey joined the rehearsal of his neighbour, singer Maynard James Keenan, guitarist Adam Jones and bassist Paul D’Amour when nobody else would show up. His decision proved to be a stroke of luck when the band turned out to become one of the most profound rock acts of their time, “introducing dark, vaguely underground metal to the preening pretentiousness of art rock” – most notably due to their influential sophomore effort Ænima (1996). They have gained appreciation and critical praise for a complex and ever-evolving sound, that ranges from “slam and bang” heavy metal on their first release to more progressive influenced songwriting on Lateralus (2001) which “is as far removed from what’s considered musically popular these days as you can get.”
Their overall sound has been described as “grinding, post-Jane’s Addiction heavy metal” as well as “a primal sound as distinct as it is disturbing” – most simplified categorizations of the band’s genre are often dismissed. They are known for addressing philosophical and spiritual issues in their lyrics, such as evolution (“Forty-Six & 2”), organised religion (“Opiate”) and transcendence (“Lateralus”), as well as for songs that feature “complex rhythm changes, haunting vocals, and an onslaught of changes in dynamics” which often result in a greater-than-average track length. Additionally, most of their music videos feature stop-motion animation created by Jones, in a style similar to the Brothers Quay – “strange puzzle-like four minute movies” – which tend to perpetuate the perception of Tool as a “dark, disturbing” band.
Their music has been influenced by King Crimson, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Rush and early Yes, among several others. In turn, the “list of bands that have been inspired by Tool is long and prestigious.”

So, come on kids leave your Franz Ferdinands, your Zutons, your Strokes and all that jazz behind. Join with me and experience something that is a little more thought provoking and that requires a little more intelligence & a little more listening (seriously, when was the last time you bought an album which took multiple listenings for you to get to grips with. And I don’t mean decide whether or not you liked it).

A few sample lyrics to whet the appetite:

Ænema

It's a Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of Freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz I sure could use a vacation from this
Silly shit, stupid shit...
One great big festering neon distraction,I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.
Learn to swim.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.
Learn to swim.
Fuck L Ron Hubbard andFuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting hip gangster wannabes.
Learn to swim.
Fuck retro anything. Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and Fuck your short memory.
Learn to swim.
Fuck smiley glad-handsWith hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,Insecure actresses.
Learn to swim.
Cuz I'm praying for rain and I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.I wanna watch it all go down.

Prison Sex

It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then, you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,my head down, my eyes closed,and my throat wide open.
There's release in this sodomy.

For I am your witness thatblood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me piece of mind.
Got your hands bound, your head down,your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit, blood and cum on my hands.
I've come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon.
You look so precious.

Die Eier Von Satan
(not really a song as it’s spoken word over weird industrial noise but read the translation and you’ll see why I’ve included it).

Die Eier von Satan
Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker... und keine Eier
In eine Schüssel geben Butter einrührenGemahlene
Nüsse zugeben undDen Teig verkneten
Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formenIm Staubzucker
wälzen undSagt die Zauberwörter
"Simsal bim bamba Saladu Saladim"
Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen
undBei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen undKEINE EIER
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen undKeine Eier ..

ENGLISH

The Eggs/Balls of Satan
Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoon salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nutsA little extra powdered sugar... and no eggs
Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and Knead the dough
Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"
Place on a greased baking pan andBake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes...AND NO EGGS
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes...and no eggs.

So many paedos and pikeys, so few weapons!

2006-03-28T13:11:00.000+01:00

In today's papers there are 2 very fine examples of what makes me sick about this country.

1) Alan Webster, 40, and his g'friend Tanya French, 19, raped a 12 week old baby and took photos of the abuse. Yes that's right 12 WEEKS old. Sentenced handed out 6yrs to Webster and 5yrs to French. What the fuck is that? If an offence ever deserved the death penalty surely this is it. And if not then surely life in solitary.
2) Britain's youngest drink driver, Leanne Black, 14, was sentenced to 4 months in a young offender's institute. She drank 3 cans of lager and then took her dad's car for a spin - a carbon copy of an offence she committed in 2004. In court she admitted taking the car, driving without a licence, drink-driving and driving whilst disqualified. She claimed she'd changed her ways but after being sentenced attacked the prosecutor. Outside the court before the hearing began, she pelted photographers with eggs and her mum pointed her arse at cameras and said "Film this if you like". I really don't know what to say. Erm.. 4 mths isn't enuff for this bitch - if she thinks she's old enuff to drink and drive then she's old enuff to go to a proper prison. And what kind of parent lets their kid chuck eggs outside court? And to make things worse tries to wind up the paperazzi?!

Paedos and Pikeys to damn many of them!

This is the news!

2006-03-03T16:41:00.000Z

There have been a number of things in the news recently that have got right up my nose.

I shall start with today’s news that Paul Gadd (aka Gary Glitter) has been sentenced to 3 years in Vietnamese jail. Problems with this:

1) 3 years for fiddling around with an 11 year old and a 12 year old – doesn’t quite seem a tough enough sentence somehow!
2) There’s a fair chance he’ll only spend a year behind bars before being deported
3) He best be deported to the UK as he will be arrested on arrival for other kiddie fiddling charges. And they best lock him for the rest of his life, the sick bastard.

Pete Doherty. That’s it. Just him. The guy is smack head and crack fiend. The Libertines were shit, Babyshambles are shit. His fans seem to want to glorify this moron as some kind of genius. This is wrong.

Here’s a little story perhaps he should listen to. In the late 80s into the 90s there was a kick ass band called Alice In Chains, their singer Layne Staley was a smack head. He wrote many, many songs about his addiction. After stints in and out of rehab he pretty much disappeared from the public eye and Alice In Chains faded away. On April 20, 2002, Staley was found dead in his home two weeks post mortem after injecting a mixture of heroin and cocaine known as a "speedball". He was 34 years old. His body was also surrounded by various drug possessions and equipment. He was so badly decomposed that he was only positively identified through a check of his dental records.

Their first full album, Facelift, released on August 28 1990 contained the song Real Thing. Below are the lyrics, I think perhaps Pete Doherty and all those who think he’s so cool should have a little read.

I messed around as a little boy
I grew up, made the blade my new toy
Friends said boy with what you screwin' around I said
Don't concern yourselves and just
Gimme another blast
Yeah

[CHORUS]
Under the hill, with just a few notches on my belt
Take it away, don't want no more
Even if you say just one more
I won't leave you alone

I grew up, went into rehab
You know the doctors never did me no good
They said son you're gonna be a new man
I said thank you very much and
Can I borrow fifty bucks?

[CHORUS]

'Cause I'm goin' down the steps on a white line
Goin' down the steps on a white line
Goin' down the steps on a white line
Straight to nowhere
[REPEAT]

I messed around as a little boy
I grew up, made the blade my new toy
Friends said boy with what you screwin' around I said
Don't concern yourselves and just
Gimme another blast
Yeah

[CHORUS]

'Cause I'm goin' down the steps on a white line
Goin' down the steps on a white line
Goin' down the steps on a white line
Straight to nowhere

And finally…

The US – India nuclear agreement. Is it me or are The Chimp and his advisors deliberately trying to get the middle east to boil over? Correct me if I’m wrong here but the US has vehemently opposed Iran enriching Uranium to fuel nuclear power stations. Yet they have now struck a deal with India to produce vast amounts of Thorium for use in power stations.

Problems:

1) Why is it ok for India and not Iran?
2) India and Pakistan have been at “war” over the region of Kashmir for a long time and what’s to stop India producing nuclear weapons and giving themselves a marked advantage in this dispute?
3) If everyone is so worried about WMDs why are we allowing more and more countries to go nuclear?

Here I must borrow from my good pal Bill Hicks:

“Who here like me thought things would be better when the Cold War ended? Wrong. Now 12 countries have nuclear weapons, things are 12 times as bad. Fuck you!”

Here’s a few more lines from the great man just to make you smile!

“I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.”

"I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"

"This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched my crowds dwindle. I am going nowhere, and nowhere quick, but, those of you who have children, I am sorry to tell you this, but they are not special. Wait! I know some of you are going: 'What, what?' Let me just clarify: I know you think they're special ... ha ha ha! I'm aware of that. I'm just here to tell you that they're not! Ha ha ha ha! Sorry. Did you know that every time a guy comes, he comes two-hundred million sperm? One out of two-hundred million – that load, we're only talking about one load – connected: Gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means? I've wiped nations off've my chest with a grey gym sock. Entire civilizations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel! [...] I've tossed universes in my underpants while napping. Boom! A Milkyway shoots into my jockey shorts: 'Unngh ... what's for fucking breakfast?!'"

Racism in Football

2006-03-03T12:35:00.000Z

Last week Barcelona star Samuel Eto’o had to be restrained from leaving the pitch in the middle of a game due to a constant barrage of racist abuse. For the second season in a row the Zaragoza fans deemed it appropriate to insult him with monkey chants. In their wisdom, the Spanish FA fined Zaragoza £6000. This basically sends the message that it’s fine to say what the hell you want. Even Sepp Blatter, the cock in charge of FIFA, thinks it’s a disgrace. And considering how many fines and suspensions have been handed out willy-nilly to English supporters over the years, it pisses me right off. Spaniards everywhere should be thoroughly embarrassed. And to anyone who isn’t, I say fuck you, you greasy spic cunts!! How’d you like them apples?

I'm Back!!!

2006-03-03T12:14:00.000Z

Firstly may I apologise profusely for my prolonged absence from you, my adoring public.

The reason for this is that I decided to dedicate myself to learning the mysterious art of Muay Thai. Obviously my already toned and supple body was in the right condition to be able to pull off some of the more complex moves and combinations.

I dedicated to the teachings of the wise and great Master Mong Chuk Li Wong Tse Tao Phong Suk Dik, which roughly translates as Les. In no time at all I had control of the Giant Catching Monkey and Strangling the Giant Elephant, but Challenge Hell proved more difficult. It took several minutes for me to get a grasp of what was required.

Having completed my training Master Mong Chuk Li Wong Tse Tao Phong Suk Dik, or Les, he made me promise never to use my skills on another person. I thought fuck you, you old bollock head! And I kicked him square in the nuts.

Underground fight clubs aren’t that difficult to find in Thailand if you know where to look and thankfully I did. The stage was set for my glorious demolition of any punk ass bitch who thought they had the grapes to take me on. Needless to say 25 bouts, including 10 rope fights, later I had amassed a record of 25 – 0 with 25 ko’s and 15 deaths. Bored of this I decided to come home to my 9 to 5 office job and tell you guys all about my experiences.

Tony Jaa: a pussy and a weakling

Fucking Christmas Bollocks

2005-12-28T12:26:00.000Z

Yes that's right - it's fucking Christmas time again.
Personally I find the whole thing contrived. I'm not a Christian in fact I'm of no fixed religion so why should I celebrate the birth of Jesus? It's a marketing man's dream. Come and buy this piece of shit, come buy these tacky Xmas cards, buy a tree, buy shitty decorations, make your house look like a pile of shit with plastic ornaments and flashing lights, buy more food and drink than you can ever eat while millions starve. Wankers!
I hate the sanctimonious bullshit that we should all be happy "because it's Christmas" - fuck off and ram yourself up your own fudge tunnel. Why shouldn't people be pissed off? It's cold outside and there's shit all on TV except a bunch of repeats, soap "specials" and movies you saw 2 years ago when they were out at the cinema/to rent.
But here's the real kicker - we're celebrating Jesus' birthday on the wrong fucking day!! Yep those lovely people from the church had a master stroke back in the 11th Century and changed the date to 25th December instead of sometime in September when he was actually born if you interpret the bible correctly.
So, God-botherers - you're wrong it's not Jesus' birthday - it's Xmas which is all about eating unhealthily, getting drunk and wishing people had bought you better presents like an ungrateful cock-knocker.
Fuck Xmas, bring on New Year!

A terrible time was had by all

2005-12-06T15:32:00.000Z

I don't want everyone reading this to think that my life has been a bed of roses. There have been some tough times too for yours truly. I know, you can't believe it, you're sitting there thinking "how could he have a bad time? He's so sexy and charming and witty and strong. People idolise him how could he not have everything he desires? If he can have a bad day what's in store for feeble little me?"

Well, let me tell you a story of the day I had one of my dreams destroyed.

It was the 80s, crazy clothes, crazy gals, crazy times! But I had only one thing on my mind (not including drugs, booze, birds, football) and that was becoming an international TV star. I'd been to an audition for a brand new show that was expected to be a huge hit - I think the title at the time was "Beauty and the Black Beast". It was about a talking car with crazy gadgets, a cool, charmismatic, ass-kicking driver and plenty of totty.

I had no real experience in front of the camera but the casting agents and the director were blown away by my audition which was described as "the most natural and sublime piece of acting ever witnessed."

Things started to move - the car and the costumes were designed and publicity shots taken. Cameras were about to start rolling when, by-chance, I met a struggling young actor by the name of Willhelm Von Hasselhoeff III. He was down on his luck and at the end of his tether. He seemed like a genuine chap so I treated him to a few beers in a bar. A few beers led to tequila slammers, absinthe and white russians by the dozen. At some point during this debauched boozing session I was struck with an epiphany. After half a lifetime of vicious and foul deeds was this my moment to save my soul?! A name change, hair cut and chest wig later a new star was created. A celebrity to match the greats, a hero to the world. Yes that's right, I created David Hasselhoff and the show was of course re-named Knight Rider.

I selflessly let my dreams slip away but I knew I had done the right thing, for everyone.

Here is the only surviving promo pic from my short time with that fantastic and educational show.

What to do next?

2005-11-30T14:10:00.000Z

What do you do after living a life surrounded by blood, gore, violence, killing and psychotropic drugs?
Join with your brother, the Guvna of the most vicious and notorious gang ever, of course. Confusion still surrounds the issue of whether or not he is my biological brother but that's not important. What is important is the fact that when I was lost inside the darkest recesses of human existence he offered me a light! A light which lead to the Il Fratelli organisation.
My vast experience in all types of warfare and brutal out look on life suggested I would be perfect for the role of Consiglieri to the Guvna. Many of my childhood friends (The Quim, The Crack and The Chin) were also drawn into this seductive lifestyle. Ruling the Medway towns and vast areas of East London and Leicester, the nefarious crime lord used iron-fisted tactics and his lack of compassion for any type of life to gain vast sums of money and power. Standard punishments included, masonry drills up the length of thigh and shin bones, hunting knife up the anus, removal of testicles with a plastic fork and being skull-fucked in both eye sockets by the Wolfgang bang brothers.
This was exactly what I was looking for - the sickest elements of human nature on display, all the time.
Much like the great Al Capone, the Guvna befriended celebrities and used his many media outlets to control his image and more importantly hide his affairs from the prying eyes of MI5. Until some pencil pushing geek at the Inland Revenue found a loop hole in the law and tried to prosecute the Guvna with tax evasion. Needless to say swift and brutal vengeance was exacted upon said geek. But this was not the kind of exposure such a criminal mastermind desires and the Guvna disappeared like a fart in the wind. Many believe he was killed in a freak boating accident, some say he retired to the foothills of Columbia and some say he is the puppet master of George W Bush. I know exactly what's become of this great man but you can lick my sack if you think I'm gonna tell ya!!
Anyway for those of you who think crime doesn't pay - check this shit out! (That's me and my boy The Quim on one of many "social" engagements on behalf of the Guvna - these usually descended into a riot and the "accidental" deaths of certain guests ensued)

The story behind the name

2005-11-24T17:12:00.000Z

Scarbelly. Not the name of your average Joe, gee whizz it's not even an average nickname.
Well here's the story - names and places have been changed to protect the innocent and the weak.

Saigon - 1972

After the Tet Offensive things were looking up for the lads and myself, perhaps we could win this damn war after all!! By Crikey!
But as usual this short moment of joy was destroyed by our C.O. informing us that we were required for a top secret mission that was extremely hazardous. Obviously I volunteered for a laugh as it seemed like a good opportunity for some quality maiming time.
As we trekked deeper and deeper into the jungle I became acutely aware that something was very wrong. Had I paused for a second I wouldn't be writing this heart felt entry. But as it happened I dived for cover as a series of booby traps and land mines exploded around us. Limbs and debris flying high into the air, blood spraying and squirting from severed arteries. A bit of mess all told. As the smoke cleared I knew what had to be done - I removed my fatigues to reveal my super sexy Speedos and pulled my toothpick form behind my ear. Charging head long into the trees, blinded by the need for horrific revenge, I was beyond redemption. With in 10 mins an entire VC squad lay dead, some even hanging from branches by their scrotums.
I returned to find my platoon in disarray - hitching them all upon my back I sprinted for all I was worth back to base. People say to me that running 5 miles through thick undergrowth in 15 mins is an amazing feat but all I know is I wasn't going to let a single one of those bally heroes die, not on my watch, no siree!!
On reaching the base I was met with looks disgust and horror. I looked down to see a gigantic hole had been blown into my stomach and my intestines were hanging out for all to see. I simply shrugged this off as I needed to get my team to a doctor. With those brave American hereos all in intensive care and no medical staff or supplies left for me to use I set about doing my own reconstructive surgery. Armed with only a plastic spoon and some vines I scooped my guts back into my chest cavity and stitched the skin back together. Unfortunately I was left with a 5 inch scar - hence the name Scarbelly! A small price to pay for saving 50 lives and whacking a few hundred Viet Cong.

The Beginning

2005-11-23T13:59:00.000Z

Well where to start?!
My origins are unknown. Some say I am a by-product of our nuclear age and some say I was created in a lab from the DNA of many different primates and a weasel. Personally, I think it's the latter theory as I am extremely cunning, able to climb almost anything and I'm prone to rampant and inappropriate masturbating. Also I have to be strategically shaved once a week.
My life is a haze up until I was a young adult, by which time the Vietnam War was in full swing. After signing up, I excelled in boot camp and was assigned as a one man wrecking crew. It was in the dense jungle that I honed my abilities with a tooth pick (I can kill a man from 10km) and realised that only Speedos could provide the comfort and stealth I would require on my many life-threatening missions. 10 years after the War officially ended I appeared from the darkness with the blood of thousands of men, women and children splattered all over my face and body. Disillusioned with the ineptness of my superior officers I quit the army and became a mercenary. Obviously I can't go into too much detail but my handy work was witnessed during the Iranian Embassy hostage situation, the Falklands and the first Gulf War to name but a few.
I have now retired as a mercenary but can be called upon for the odd top secret mission when I once more don my Speedos and arm myself with my lucky pick and cause bloody carnage on some poor bastard!